Body (or Mind?) Heat

It’s been hot.  Really hot.  And, when it’s hot, my mind wanders. I start to think about things other than food.

Heat. Skin. Chemistry.  Unshakeable good memories.  History.  Summer has a way of doing that to me.



Recently a particularly good piece of, um, history said to me, “Well, you know, at our age there’s less passion, right?”

Whoa. What? At our age?  Somehow, this man who is 1 year and 10 days older than I am fell into a timewarp and aged 40 years.  How did that happen?    Surely he must be mistaken.   Passion lessens at “our age”??   I don’t think so, not so long as I have something to do with it. And well, in his case, I don’t anymore. (maybe that’s the problem)


I definitely don’t understand it though – Surely, passion doesn’t wane as we get older, it changes.  Of course, over the course of a relationship, passion waxes and wanes, lust ebbs and flows.  I get that.  But in any new relationship, you want to constantly touch their skin, especially if it feels like silk, right?   You can’t get enough of the person, you’re drunk on lust, maybe even love.



Of course , that incredible heat isn’t always so hot.  It changes to tepid, luke warm, sometimes ice cold because of other factors. Life gets in the way. Work is stressful.   Bills have to be paid, the garbage taken out (why do you think I’ve been tweeting about needing a houseboy or minions?  Priorities!!!).  What gets in the way is the same thing that makes it so unbearably hot. 

Our minds.  

There are certain moments from years ago that , when I think about them, or when they simply pop into my head (sometimes at the most inopportune moments) still ignite a reaction .   The drink I had that fantastic night that changed my life 14 years ago.  The smell from more recent history that still makes my tummy flutter.   The feel of the curls from long ago (but not long enough that they’re forgotten) that takes me back to that one very precise moment. The compliments that still can stop me in my tracks when I replay them in my mind.

All of those moments of different sorts of passion are all in my mind.  It’s the most useful tool for passion. So, when someone who is not only very passionate about very many things, but also amazingly successful, fucking hot, and (at least at one point anyway) very passionate in that way says that there’s less passion at our age – well, something must be wrong. He must be soft in the head. 

In my life there have been several knee-weakening moments.  Small things in my every day life will bring them to mind in a flash – we all have experienced that.  And, it’s not always in our control. If it happens to you, and you’re in a relationship, fantastic, take advantage of it.

If it happens to you , and you are not in a relationship, well, savor it.  It still serves you well.

The  mind *is* a terrible thing to waste, no doubt.   If you let yourself think you’re too “old” for passion – then, my friend, you’re already dead.



Passion doesn’t have to be all about sex (ok, so it usually is, but go with it for a minute).

Someone once said to me, “But I want passoin! Every day! I want passion! You’re not passionate!”

Ahem.   Needless to say, that someone is not in my life anymore. That person failed (miserably) to realize that passion involves more than body parts and physical contact.  One can be passionate about many things:

Cooking, for example.  Music.  Art.  Writing. Painting. Nascar.  Politics. The environment.  Children’s welfare.  Hospice. Wishing the dickhead at work ill .   You name it.  We each cycle through our days carrying something that we’re passionate about.  It could be sex, it could be coffee.  It might vary.  We’re human.

It’s that human element that makes things interesting.  Go , pursue your passion.  Find someone who inspires you to be passionate.  Never, never let someone tell you you’re not passionate. 


photo: Keith Haring

But, screw the serious sappy crap.

Those moments of raw, animal passion are what we look forward to in a new relationship. It’s why we cheat, isn’t it?  Whatever your stance on monogamy, there is no denying that the first really hot kiss is enough to destroy you. Sometimes for life.

That’s what roared through my head when my friend said that to me about passion. Where did it go? Didn’t this new relationship have that unbearable heat in the beginning? Why is it gone?  Was it ever there?  Of course, my own ego wants the answers, but moreover, what if he’s right (I don’t think he is)?

Surely it’s within our power to bring it back.  Bring back the passionate kisses!

When your wife/girlfriend/lover is standing at the sink, tired after a very long , harrowing day, kiss the back of her neck and then leave her alone. She’ll probably come back for more (ok, maybe hours later, but still).

When your husband/boyfriend/you get the idea is watching the game, straddle him and plant a hot one on him (during a commercial of course, let’s be considerate).  Throw in a lip nibble.   That’ll spark something.

My intent is not to give advice – you all don’t need it, surely – only the hottest of the hot read this blog.   My intent is to remind you that even if that lust is dormant, it’s certainly not dead.

Take it from a single girl with out  of control hormones and still hot desires:  If you have a someone , why the hell aren’t you all over each other when you can be? I get it, you’re tired – but as I said earlier , it doesn’t have to be about the s-e-x.

But it’s even better when it is , and even better still when it’s hot.



…and, when it’s hot, what’s better than ice cream? 

try this to cool you down, or better  yet – give it a good lick and heat things right back up:

Lavender ice cream

(from my recent #recipeadventure)

2 cups heavy cream

1 cup milk

&frac12; cup sugar

3 Tb lavender flowers (dried)

4 egg yolks, beaten

1 tsp vanilla extract (to taste, if desired)


Simmer 1 cup of  cream , the milk and lavender until it begins to bubble. Remove from heat , cover, and let steep for 30 minutes . Then strain into a bowl.


Return  to a heavy bottomed pan , add the sugar and cook until the sugar is dissolved. Add vanilla if desired.


Temper the beaten yolks with a small amount of the cream/sugar/lavender mixture, and gradually add all and combine. Add a the second cup of heavy cream  , stir.


Pour into an ice cream maker, and follow its instructions. Once set, enjoy.


I recommend saving some and making ice cream sandwiches  with sugar cookies, wrapping individually and refreezing for enjoying later.


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