Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That

Hello, there. 

Before you get all up in my grill for not posting for an eternity, you must understand:  

I’ve been dealing with some stress.  I haven’t been cooking. I haven’t been sleeping.  I’ve been working, and as we all  know:

 

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So , listen.  This post won’t be about food, or about dating.    It’s about you. Sort of.

You might remember, a while back I helped some friends out and participated in their podcast.  That was a lot of fun, I was brutally honest, and , well, slightly obnoxious. 😉  (I blame our hosts and the wine they provided)

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Image: Ricandbseriouslystraight.com

 

Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I can be , at times, brash.  I am honest.  I will tell you what I think if you ask me, and sometimes even if you don’t ask.  I will take things to the edge, and sometimes go past it. I will make lewd jokes, I will talk about sex, and I will talk about sex honestly.  Yes, I have a dirty mind, and I’m not afraid to let people in my personal life (or those in my Twitter feed, ahem) know it.  I’m not shy about this because I know that this is just a part of who I am.  It’s a part of my personality.  It is not my entire personality.

I am complicated.  At work, I’m pretty cut and dry.  No bullshit.  I am kind when I have to be, but I am also very direct and , well, truthfully, borderline harsh when I need to be. 

I like the color pink. I like Champagne.  I also like beer. And Scotch.  And black.  And Nine Inch Nails.  And Chris Botti. 

I appreciate the smell of freshly cut grass on a warm day. I love the beach. 

I make a mean tiramisu and my cheesecake will make you weak in the knees. 

I’m insecure about how I look, but I also understand that there are many in the world who think I’m nuts because I feel this way.  There are also many who think I’m hot.  I know how to use this to my advantage, even if I don’t see it myself. 

I’m funny, I hate my teeth.  I have straight hair but always wanted it to be curly.  I love my family, but I will go months without speaking to them. 

I hold grudges, but I love fiercely and to my friends I am loyal to a fault.

Why am I oversharing? To make a point.  Because those who know  I am open enough in real life to show these sides of myself also know that I am multi-faceted. They know that just because I will talk about having experienced anal sex, and what kind of porn I have watched, it does not mean that my bedroom door is a swinging one. I am very particular about who I will allow in my  – ah, who I allow in.

Some of you must have thought otherwise, though, judging by the messages I received after this podcast.  

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image: loucypher.tumblr.com

Some of you were disrespectful.  Others of you were downright obscene.

I would like to know what rock you (you know who you are) crawled out from to think that this sort of behavior is acceptable? Oh, you’re probably the guy who thinks that if a chick wears a short skirt, she’s “asking for it”, right?  Yeah, that’s what I thought. 

Well, boys, it’s time to grow up a bit.  Welcome to a world where women talk about sex just as much as men.  And, let’s face it, probably more than you do.  We’re graphic, and we talk about you guys.  A lot. 

We talk about sex.  We like sex.  And – shocker – a lot of us like to do more than straight up missionary, and we like  a lot of the same things you do.  We even watch porn. 

There. I said it.  We watch porn. We use porn.  It’s true.  We exist. 

But this does not mean that our legs are open for all of you. It does not mean that we are “easy.”  It does not give you permission to act like a cretin just because you are (or I am) veiled behind social media. It also does not mean that I’m going to change my behavior because there are (still) assholes in the world.

It means that we are adults.  We are honest adults with appetites who believe that sex is not taboo, it’s not something that we need to be ashamed of, or feel like we have to keep secret.   We can talk about it, in the appropriate forum. It’s alright. 

But the next time one of you slimeballs disrespects a woman, just bear in mind that she’s unlikely to give you the time of day.  And you don’t deserve her anyway. 

For those of you who were kind, supportive, encouraging and had positive responses to the podcast, the aftershow, or my opinions/role in it:  Thank you.  You guys are stand-up characters who understand that women are not playthings (unless there’s a mutual agreement on that front, then it’s ok).  It’s you guys who give me hope. 

And to the few who apologized to me on behalf of the jerks, extra special thanks.  You know who you are. 

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Image: www.sterling-wellness.com

 

Come back, soon I’ll have some fun recipes to share (panna cotta and shortbread, anyone??), and maybe even a #recipeadventure or two, if you’re good. 

…and I know you wanna be good. 

 

Keep it hot.

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