There is no such thing as a better-than-sex cake. Cake is cake. Sex is sex.
The first time I tried a “Better than Sex Cake” I will admit, I was more experienced at having one over the other (go on, guess.). I was not impressed. I think it was chocolate, or chocolate-y. It may have involved whipped cream and had a couple of layers to it.
I think I first ate this concoction at some office gathering. It may have even been a contest or baby shower, or some other nonsensical food event. The office women with their Married Hair cooed, chirped, and ahh-ed over this life-altering cake. The men did not. Why?
This is where I very nearly go on a long tangent about how men and women must certainly experience sex differently – duh – because men can separate sex from, well, cake. These women behaved as though, because the cake was good (well, good-ish. Now I’m more experienced. I can say, for sure, I’ve had better. And I’ve had my share of good and bad … cakes), it surely must mean that it was THE one and only cake for them. I’ll spare you that tangent.
Cake and sex are clearly very different. One contains calories, the other can (if done properly) burn them. Cake is sweet, sex isn’t, necessarily. Cake requires heat , and so does sex (like how I did that?), but you don’t have sex in an oven, I hope, and you more than likely do not make cake in bed , on the sofa, floor, in the shower… you get my point.
I’m curious how the original recipe creator (whoever it is, and I’m not really interested in who it is, because that’s not the point) of this “better than sex cake” reached this conclusion. It makes me feel bad for him/her.
I do like cake though. Maybe the cake should have been named “Better than Bad Sex Cake.” That I can get on board with! Unlike “pizza is like sex (or is it sex is like pizza?), even bad pizza is good,” bad cake is not good, but bad cake is better than bad sex. Good sex is better than good cake. Bad sex is not as good as bad cake. Wait.
Cake is good. When it’s moist, light, fluffy, sweet. Sex is good. Unless it’s bad. When sex is bad, good cake would be a good alternative. Bad cake would be enough to tempt me away from the bad sex. A cake that is better than bad sex? Any day of the week. A cake that is better than good sex? Impossible.
Cupcakes must be the cake-equivalent to a one night stand. When you don’t want the full-on commitment of a whole cake. No left overs, no stale cake nagging at you from the fridge for days, no guilt days later because you made it (or bought it, don’t hate), but didn’t really like it. You want the experience without the cake-strings? Stop at your local bakery, and baddabing, baddaboom. Done. Use a napkin, or don’t. No one will judge.
The mini-cupcake! The bite-sized quickie. I like that. When you don’t have the patience, room or time for a whole cake, and even a cupcake is more than you’re interested in. You can either invest the time and commitment in making the mini-cupcakes, and keep them at home, or you can buy them, and indulge on the go. Either works.
But cupcakes, like one night stands , will become passé. Their sparkle will fade and they will become something you ate when you were young (until you become “young” again around 40).
Back to my point, though. This cake called “Better than Sex.” I have yet to have one that is. The name kinda’ pisses me off, actually. It gets my hopes up. Whoever created and named it must have been going through one helluva dry spell. I hope for her/his sake, that dry spell has come to an end.
I think I’m going to have to try some recipes and find a cake that is “As Good as Sex,” name it so, then branch out.
A whole cake? “As Good as Sex, the Full Commitment” or, the “…Minivan.”
Cupcakes? “… Hold My Hair?” Oh, that doesn’t work. “…Your Place or Mine” or “… Consenting Adults.”
And, let’s not forget, the bad-day-saving mini-cupcake: “…I had to have you” , “…Damn! You Look Good”, or the “…Good Morning!”
…I tend to like my cake simple (yellow cake, chocolate frosting, or white cake, vanilla frosting – my two faves) and my sex complicated (I’m not explaining that one). So, happy eating, and here’s a link to a variation on my absolute favorite frosting. Use it on your next cake, or, “cake.”
And don’t forget to preheat your oven, either way.
Follow me on Twitter (link coming soon): @Just_Add_Heat